10: Eternally Grateful

Warning: The following chapter contains sensitive subject matter. Reader discretion is advised.

“Do you want something to drink?” Zach offered, watching her timidly shifting her weight between each foot and avoiding his gaze.

“No. I’m fine,” she replied softly. “I just want…I wasn’t exactly honest with you,” Abigail frowned as she fell to the bed. “Our first time…that night in the cave. It…wasn’t really…I wasn’t a…,” she sighed while she fumbled with her fingers trying to find the right words to express herself. “What I’m trying to say is it wasn’t my first time,” she finally blurted in one breath.

Zach nodded his head as he slowly moved forward to kneel in front of her. “I know,” he sighed, gazing up at her as she timidly chewed her lip. “I guessed that from the way you reacted when I touched you.”

Abigail’s hands quickly moved to cover her face and she sobbed, no longer trying to hold them back. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled through her fingers. “I thought…if I just pretended…if I just ignored it that everything would be ok. I thought it was done. I thought I was better. But then you came along and there was the whole Sasha thing and everything just…”

“Abigail, it’s ok,” Zach spoke softly, stroking his hand over her knee before moving to sit beside her. “Take a breath, Abigail, you’re alright. Like I told you before, you’re safe with me, I promise.” Slowly her hands fell away from her face and she sloppily dabbed at the tears on her cheek. Her eyes moved to the door and Zach followed, understanding her concern. “Knox’s not coming back here tonight. He and Jemma are off on some…hell I don’t even know what you’d call it. But it’ll keep him busy, trust me.” He brushed a strand of hair back off her face and palmed her cheek. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

Abigail nodded, dropping her eyes to the ground and took a moment to collect herself. Her chest felt suddenly heavy as fear spread in creeping tendrils and instantly she was transformed into that scared little girl again. Taking a deep breath, she squeezed his hand tightly, absorbing the tranquility he always exuded. The immediacy of his presence was comfort enough to shove the approaching panic attack back down and she looked up at him through a haze of tears.

Several times her mouth opened to speak but each time it closed without a word spoken. And, as if understanding the cause, Zach moved until his back was against the headboard and turned Abigail around so that she leaned against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist as her head fell onto his shoulder. It was better this way; not being able to see his eyes while she recounted her story. Abigail breathed in deeply, calming herself as she allowed his warm comfort to spread through her and began. “I was 11,” she whispered softly, clearing her throat to better project her voice. 

“My parents had just gotten divorced a year earlier and were granted shared custody.  I would spend two days with my Mom, two days with my Dad, and then three days with Mom again. The next week it would switch. It was a lot of shuffling around but I got to spend equal time with both of my parents and my Dad had just bought a new place pretty close to our old home. That way I didn’t have to worry about changing schools or losing the friends I’d made. Mom was seeing this guy, Clark…it was actually the reason they divorced, she was cheating on Dad and he caught the two of them together three days before their 15^th anniversary. I remember how sad he was over losing her. He didn’t think I knew, but I could hear him crying sometimes at night. On the weekends we spent together, he’d take me hunting. It was the only time he was really at peace. Sorry, I’m rambling. I do that when I get nervous.”

“It’s ok,” Zach whispered, lightly rubbing her arm as she continued.

“So anyway, things were going fine. I was doing well in school, I got a new sister, Nicola, thanks to Clark’s previous marriage who was six years older than me and Dad seemed to be slowly getting over the divorce. It was like I hadn’t lost anything; plus I got double the birthday presents so it was a big deal for me. But it was just after my 11^th birthday when things started going downhill. I was starting to develop and was kind of excited because the kids in my class seemed to think it was this huge thing…growing breasts. I needed my first training bra and Mom had planned to take me after school. Anyhow, Mom couldn’t make it…something with work; a shift change or something, I don’t remember the excuse now and I suppose it doesn’t matter at this point anyway. Clark volunteered to take me.”

“I didn’t think much of it. I just thought it was normal. We’d been living in the same house for a year and he’d had to raise his own daughter alone since her mom skipped out on him. Plus he had taken me clothes shopping for school the previous year. He’d stay in the dressing room with me, help me get in and out of different outfits, adjust them on me, check the lengths of my skirts…things any normal parent would do. It wasn’t anything overtly wrong so it’s not like I could tell on him or even knew what to say to anyone but I just knew it made me uncomfortable; especially the way he’d stare.”

“I didn’t like it,” she mumbled, choking up a little and her hands reflexively moved to her arms in a protective barrier. “After a while, he started coming into my room. I’d wake up to find him staring at me; just standing there watching me in the dark. I started locking my door when I was home but Clark found a way around that he…he removed a piece of the knob so the lock wouldn’t catch and it wouldn’t be noticeable; not that anyone would have seen.”

“Mom worked as an ER nurse and had started taking on more shifts and late night shifts and that would leave me alone in the house with him. Even when she was home she would sleep for her next shift. He had become my guardian and that…that’s what allowed him to start…doing things,” she whispered, closing her eyes as bitter tears burned the back of her throat. But she swallowed them down, took a deep breath and continued before she lost her nerve.

“I didn’t know what to do. Mom was too tired to talk to about anything and Dad…Dad had just turned his life around. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt him. I didn’t want him to think his little girl was like…that. And the more time that passed where I could have said something and should have said something but never did, it just compounded and so I let it go and just tried to pretend nothing was happening,” she cried, sucking her trembling bottom lip into her mouth. “He made me feel like it was my fault…like I’d done something to deserve…” she felt warm tears freely stream down her face and quickly flicked them away as Zach’s arms tightened around her.

“The first time he…” she started, choking on the words as each one made it harder to breathe. “It felt like I was on fire. It hurt…a lot. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong,” she whimpered. “And the harder I struggled, the worse it got. He…he forced me onto the bed and held me down, shoving a dirty sock into my mouth to keep me quiet and…shit!” She shuddered and pushed away from Zach, feeling very ashamed sitting in his company. Sliding to the edge of the bed and dropping her head into her shaky hands she cried. All of the anger and frustration she had kept buried had finally swept to the surface, rising like bile at the back of her throat and it burned. “I’m sorry,” she muttered, drawing in a stuttered breath, her voice straining from endless sobs.

“It’s ok, you’re ok, Abigail and you have nothing to apologize for. I’m right here,” Zach cooed, cautiously reaching over to touch her. When she made no effort to move, he gently rubbed her back. “Did you ever tell anyone?”

“Yeah. Yeah I told. But it only made things worse,” she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Clark had bragged to his buddies about the fresh piece of tail he had on demand, and instead of helping me, they joined in. That…that was when I told. My Dad…” she moaned, turning away abruptly as she looked into Zach’s eyes. “He only wanted to protect me! And I knew it would happen! I knew it would ruin his life and that was why I didn’t want to tell. But I couldn’t let him keep doing that to me. I didn’t want him touching me and I didn’t want to be touched by his friends!” She rocked herself, her breathing escalating and she knew she was on the verge of another panic attack. Remembering an old trick that often helped in social situations, Abigail shut her eyes and slowly counted down from ten.

When she opened them again, Zach had moved a few inches closer to her, making sure she knew she was not alone and giving her the strength she needed to continue. “When my Dad found out, he…he was livid! He drove me to his house and told me to stay put. He grabbed his hunting rifle and took off. I knew where he was going. I knew I should call my Mom or the police and tell them what was happening but…but I…” Again, she put her hands over her face and sobbed, her voice breaking more as the hoarseness in her tone grew. “I felt so alone and so helpless and I knew my Dad could fix things for me; so I let him. I let him drive over to my Mom’s house. I let him open fire on Clark and his friends…and my Mom.”

Zach pulled her against his chest and Abigail instantly turned, burying her face in his shoulder and allowed his body to soak up her tears. “I was so selfish! All I could think about was myself and getting free of them and out of that house. I didn’t care about anyone else and I didn’t think about my Mom and what would happen to her. She was innocent in all of this. She had no idea what her boyfriend was doing to me!”

“No, Abigail, none of this was your fault. You couldn’t have predicted your father’s reaction. And you couldn’t have known he would harm your mother, too.”

“I don’t know. A part of me used to think that but…deep down, I knew. I knew my Dad intended to take care of everyone who had hurt me and everyone who had hurt him…and I let him.” Abigail stopped talking and just rested against Zach’s chest, breathing in his scent as the flurry of tears finally ceased.

“Abigail?” Zach spoke once the silence lingered long enough. “What happened to your dad?”

Lifting her head, she turned to face him. And with a voice that denoted her cynicism she replied, “He’d just killed five people in cold blood. He was arrested and sent to prison.”

“What? But there were extenuating circumstances that led to those events. Didn’t anyone else know? Didn’t you testify on his behalf and explain to the court the reason your father did what he did?”

“Would you think I was a bad person if I said no?” she asked, gazing up at him and searching his eyes for an answer. “I thought about it, and I wanted to. But the idea of the things Clark and his friends did to me going on record…I couldn’t let anyone else find out. It was hard enough telling my Dad and watching the lights go out in his eyes I couldn’t sit in front of a whole room full of people and tell them what he and his friends had done to me and let them pass judgement on me too. I just couldn’t.”

“I talked to my Dad. I told him about how I was feeling and how I was trying so hard to speak with his lawyers and give a statement to get him off or time reduced. But he knew. Just like he always knew what to do. He told me it was ok. He had done what he needed to give me a fresh start and that he didn’t want me to come to his defense. He blamed himself for what happened to me. And he said keeping my secret and staying behind bars would be his penance for not protecting me. He just wanted me to stay in school and lead a normal, happy life.”

“I visit him every weekend at the Bell Haven Corrections Facility,” she sighed, glancing away momentarily as a lingering memory tugged at her subconscious. “I know I should have said something. I know I should have just been there for my Dad like he was there for me. And I’d like to think that if his freedom had come down to me speaking up, that I would have been able to do it…but I don’t know. It’s taken me nearly a decade to even get to the point where I could talk about it. You’re the first person I’ve told since my Dad.”

Zach nodded his head in sympathy. He understood Abigail’s reasoning. And he understood why her father didn’t want her testifying on his behalf; he needed to protect his only child. It was a secret she’d lived with for over nine years and something that she struggled with every day since. He also got a better comprehension of where she always disappeared to on the weekend. “Thank you,” he softly whispered against the crown of her head before placing a gentle kiss.

“For what?”

“For confiding in me. I know how difficult it must have been and I want you to know that you’re not alone, Abigail, never again. I really appreciate your trust in me.”

“In that case I should thank you, too. For listening and understanding. And I also owe you an apology. I don’t know how Sasha found out but I know it wasn’t from you and I’m sorry I accused you and flew off the handle like I did.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, Abigail. I get why you reacted the way you did; it’s completely understandable,” he replied, giving her a half smile as he brushed her hair back from her face. “The only thing that has me curious at this point is how Sasha found out in the first place. You never testified and the only other people besides your father who knew anything are dead.”

“Well there were rumors. It’s why I moved so far away from home for college. And Nicola had been so outspoken on justice for her father. She accused me and my Dad of some of the most awful things. The best I could guess is that some of her theories made it into the reports filed on the case.”

“Still. It was a shot in the dark for Sasha to go digging into your past like that.”

“Who knows?” she shrugged. “But the damage is done, Zach. And right now, all I want is to get on with my life.” Abigail replied, smiling up at him for the first time since she entered his room. Zach leaned over and sweetly kissed her forehead. Seeing her bright face again was all that mattered. But as far as this thing with Sasha was concerned, he wasn’t so sure it was done. Knowing Sasha as well as he did, he knew she was not likely to go quietly into the night.

“Back again? Two visits in one semester, damn aren’t I the popular one?” Detective Warren chuckled watching Sasha storm through the precinct, making a beeline towards him. “What is it this time? Some girl steal your boyfriend?”

“Ha-ha, you’re very funny. Can the comedy, Justin, I need a favor.”

“Oh, Justin is it? This must be a big one!”

“It is,” she smiled and took a seat on the edge of his desk. “I need you to find someone for me.”

“Sasha, I can’t keep using police resources every time someone hurts your feelings. You need to be a big girl and learn to stand on your own two feet.” Detective Warren replied, readjusting in his seat as the edge of her dress again hiked so far up her creamy thighs he could see her panties…or lack thereof.

“But…but I really need you, Justin. Are you gonna make me beg?” she pouted, rubbing her thighs slowly, ensuring the man’s eyes followed her every move. “I know you like it when I beg.”

“Sasha…”

“Puhleaseee, Justin? It’s really important I find her and I promise to return the favor! I’ll even let you do anal if you want.” Sasha slipped her finger into her mouth, making a lewd gesture that caused a stir in the detective’s pants.

“Dammit, Sasha!” he growled and glanced around to make sure no one else was watching. “What’s the name?” he sighed in defeat. A wicked smile spread across Sasha’s face and she leaned down to whisper in his ear.

Zach stared at it as though it would somehow change. But no matter how much he blinked, the board remained the same. Abigail’s face on a wanted poster, exposing her deepest, darkest secret for the entire campus to see. Sasha, he thought, growling under his breath. He knew it wasn’t over with her. He just never imagined she’d take it this far. 

Quickly, Zach snatched it down. Balling it up, he stuffed the poster into his backpack and waved at Abigail as she approached from the opposite end of the quad. “Hey,” he smiled, leaning in for a kiss. “I thought we were meeting up at the Java Hut for lunch.”

“I know but I was just so excited and couldn’t wait to see you,” she blushed at the devilish grin her confession gave Zach and anxiously slid her hand into his. “Guess who aced her Humanities finals with no studying?”

“Hmm…gee…was it you?” Zach asked, pointing at her with a perplexed expression.

“Damn straight!” Abigail enthused, brandishing her paper for him to see. “Lunch is my treat and this time, YOU can have something from the kid’s menu.”

“Deal!” he chuckled, pulling her against his side and throwing his arm around her shoulders. “So I was thinking…” he paused hearing Abigail gasp beside him. She came to a sudden stop and pulled away slightly.

“Oh my god…” Turning to look in the same direction, his eyes caught sight of what made her stop in her tracks. Rushing forward, she silently read the message on the wanted poster that had her face plastered all over the quad. Instantly she felt her insides lurch and her heart jumped into her throat. Her nervous system was on full tilt. The palms of her hands were sweating and her mouth was suddenly dry. A dizzying sensation wobbled her on her knees and she sank to the ground. It was as if the entire campus was spinning around her while she stood still.

She couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. Abigail started hyperventilating as all eyes were on her. Numerous students passed by whispering and smiling as she had a total meltdown. Some went as far as to point and laugh, taking pictures of her with their cell phones to post on their social media accounts. Zach hurried towards her, batting away the rubbernecking douche-bags who thought her business being blasted around school was funny.

“What the hell are you all looking at?” he yelled at their childish antics, snatching down as many posters as he could and throwing them in his bag with the other. Abigail could feel her face turning red with humiliation and soon after, the tears started. She clambered to her feet, unable to look Zach in the eyes as he tried to help her stand. Pushing him away, she turned to make her escape and again froze in place. 

A familiar face stepped out of the crowd with Sasha close behind her. There, some 2,500 miles from Bell Haven, Abigail stood face-to-face with her accuser. The one person who advocated for her arrest as an accessory to murder, Nicola Hicks, Clark’s daughter. She stood with a soured look on her face, her hands were folded against her chest and she stared Abigail down. “Abby, there you are!” Sasha nearly sang as she came to stand beside Nicola. “You know my friend, right?”

“H-how…” Abigail’s only word as she continued staring at them both.

Nicola looked up in time to see the last flyer before Zach pulled it off the lamppost. The look on her face changed; melting into sympathy and regret. “Abigail, can we talk?” she asked, motioning towards the coffeehouse. Zach wasted no time moving in on Sasha as the two women entered the café.

Abigail didn’t know how to feel about Nicola’s sudden appearance. Was she coming to pile on to the shit fest that had become her life? She couldn’t take another scene. Clenching and unclenching her fists, she counted down from ten to relieve the tension rolling around her head. Nicola led her to a table near the back and hastily ordered a coffee, black, to get rid of the waitress. “I can’t believe that Sasha person,” she started, sliding her hands across the table as Abigail continued readjusting in front of her. “I mean the nerve of some people. If I wasn’t five months pregnant I’d have stomped her into the ground myself.”

“Y-you’re not…you mean you didn’t help her?”

“HELP HER!?” Nicola exclaimed, looking as surprised as her voice sounded. “Abby, I would never do a thing like that! That…girl is a disgusting excuse for a human being! She tracked me down and called to tell me that you were going around campus spreading lies about my father. I came out because I’d been looking for you myself. I don’t know what you did to get on her radar but that little…tramp has got it out for you.”

“Tell me about it,” Abigail sighed, staring at the plate of cookies that had accompanied Nicola’s coffee. Anything to keep from seeing Nicola’s eyes.

“Look, the reason I’m here is to tell you that I’m sorry about the way things went down. For a long time I blamed you and your dad for what happened but the truth is, my father had it coming.” With that statement, Abigail glanced up and Nicola pursed her lips. “I know what happened to you, Abby. I know what my father did because…he did it to me too.” Abigail turned away. She felt a single tear make a jagged path down her cheek and angrily brushed it away.

“If you knew…” she started, again avoiding Nicola’s direct gaze. “If you knew, why didn’t you say anything? Why did you accuse me of hurting your father when you knew…you knew he was the one hurting me?” She couldn’t stop the flow of tears once they’d started and her shaky hands couldn’t wipe them away fast enough.

“I wanted to, Abby, believe me. But…I was afraid.” And like a light had come on, Abigail instantly felt relief. It was as if the weight of the world had been removed with Nicola’s confession. Her hand reached across the table and she gripped Nicola’s tightly. “I never meant to hurt you, Abigail. I guess I just…I never wanted to admit to what my father really was and when your Dad…when he did what he did, I was just so angry and confused and just wanted justice for him. I’m sorry for everything that happened.”

Abigail nodded her head, her eyes slightly moving up to Nicola’s but still she was unable to maintain eye contact. She understood the feeling of never wanting your secret exposed and for that she could forgive Nicola. Clark had fooled a lot of people into believing he was a good man. But for two little girls who shared the same roof, it was a completely different story.

Abigail looked up and saw Zach pacing the quad. He continued looking in her direction, making sure she was ok. “He really cares about you. It took me a long time to find someone like that too. You’d better hold on to him,” Nicola replied, glancing briefly at Zach with a smile. “Anyway, I’d better get going. I have a flight to catch.”

“Thank you,” Abigail spoke as Nicola stood. “For coming all this way to talk to me. Had I known then…”

“Your dad did us both a favor, Abby. I have a little girl of my own now and another on the way and I can tell you there is nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for them. I was then and I am now eternally grateful for what your dad did. And this whole thing…it’ll be your past before you know it.” Abigail stood. And for a moment the two thought over whether a hug would be appropriate and how the other would react before Nicola’s arms circled around Abigail’s back, pulling her close. “Take care of yourself, little sister.”

“And you do the same.”
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*Author's note: Special thanks to Jazen for creating the sim Nicola Hicks.*

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